“Be at Ease” is my memoir about caring for my dad, Reverand Doctor George L. Oehler, during the last six weeks of his life after a decade with Alzheimer’s. It does not contain advice but is rather an honest look at how I practiced being present with my dad as my universe felt like it collapsed around me. Simply put, “Be at Ease” is a memoir of life with death, coated in the ease love.
To me, it’s a love story of a daddy’s girl: a heart-breaking and humorous look at caregiving; a messy attempt at faith lived; a mindfulness guide; and a hand always held.
Specifically, the book covers how I attempted to handle a myriad of unknowns as dad’s mind, body, and spirit rapidly gave way to Alzheimer’s. I relied on trial and error, advice from a death doula, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, hospice, humor, prayer, and of course the strength of my mom. Dad’s sweetheart since they met in the church nursery.
Countless books prepare you to bring a life into this world, but few give you an inside look at the reality of their departure. The voice of the lived experience with the dying is missing from bookshelves and conversations – and is needed. “Be at Ease” is a brief book with short point-in-time memories so it’s easily consumable for caregivers with limited time and emotional energy.
I hope “Be at Ease” helps people be more present with their dying loved ones in the ways that matter most to them as there is no “right way.” Simply, that readers can see that within the thin space between life and beyond lay profound moments to be embraced… because it’s in this awkwardness that faith and love fully reside.
