Emily Oehler holding "40 over 40" leadership award

I regularly train, coach, and mentor executives on executive presence. The allusive trait tossed out in annual evaluations rather than meaningful growth-centered feedback or the aspirational goal of an emerging leader as if it’s a one-size-fits-all check list.

Yes, there are things a person can learn more about and practice to convey a more traditional styled leadership model (confident speaker, connected extrovert, business acumen, technical expertise, active listening, mindfulness)… but then there are the intangibles.  

What I’ve come to realize over the years is that “presence” is a felt thing, both by yourself and those you interact with as a leader. It’s less about how you speak or the ideas you share, and more about the consistent emotions you generate. Emotions of internal alignment for yourself (showing up with intention and attention), as well as how others feel with you and the emotions they recall days, months, or years later because of their interaction with you.

For me, the leaders I am most grateful for gave me the trifecta of leadership presence:  knowledge, experience, and emotion. Some of what they shared (their presence) became embedded in my DNA. I couldn’t shake it off. It bubbles up when I most needed it but in a way that was an essence of “them” yet distinctively now me. A bit like pixie dust—magically elevating my own personal leadership presence.

Last week, I spent a lot of time thinking about leadership as I prepared to receive one of the City of Alexandria’s Chamber of Commerce’s first “40 over 40” award for scholastic, professional, and community leadership. An unexpected award for decades of an active leadership presence across all of my communities.

What came to mind on award day were the many leaders who actively gave me their presence… passing on and demonstrating wisdom, standards, encouragement, vulnerability, feedback, listening, and possibilities. And as a by-product the corresponding emotions that became more present in myself… confidence, calm, acceptance, security, playfulness, curiosity, boldness, and ease.

Belief as a Leader

All of which culminated into belief that as a leader…

  • I am more than what I can imagine by myself (so listen to and explore what others see you are capable of)
  • My thinking is essential in the room, and to share it.
  • There are always alternate paths to explore.
  • Doubt is OK, check in on it, but don’t let it stop you.
  • My gut, instincts, and faith are valuable in decision making.
  • I must lead publicly and privately to affect change, support others, and address imbalances.
  • That I can make hard decisions and be OK… and that my worse decisions are made in fear, hunger, and isolation.
  • True impactful teamwork is only possible through playfulness.
  • Words are important and silence is centering.
  • “I messed up” and “I don’t know” must be shared openly.
  • I should ask the questions–all of them
  • Meaningful relationships make all things possible.
  • My path is my choice… and scenic detours and rest stops are helpful.

To those who poured into me throughout my professional and volunteer career, thank you.

Presence

Your presence in my head and heart helped me grow beyond what I saw for myself, and I’m grateful for the leadership presence I now have.

Presence to dream with boldness.

Presence to listen with heart.

Presence to act with determination.

Presence to learn more.

Presence to guide others with compassion.

Presence to pause with gratitude.

Simply put, presence to be more of me in the moments that matter.

A Belief from Leadership Presence

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