When I mention my upcoming book, Be at Ease, the immediate question I get is “What it’s about?” Which is typically followed by a long, awkward pause after I respond, “It’s about the last 6 weeks of my dad’s life after a decade with Alzheimer’s, and all I did and experienced with him as his caretaker.”
Rarely has anyone asked, “Why did you write it?”
My main reason… to demystify death, as we all go through it but rarely is it openly talked about. We whisper, sanitize the experience, and use euphemisms.
We talk openly about bringing life into the world and supporting a newborn, but hide their departure which truly is the inverse of their experience back to the great beyond.
Being with a loved one as they die is unbelievable hard in every way imaginable–and then some; yet also beautiful from a connectional standpoint.
The person we most want comfort from as we ache in our bones and deepest parts of our being is the person dying. That’s how it was for me… I felt like the image I chose for this blog. A little girl in her 50’s gray with grief in search of comfort.
I share my sad, silly, and sacred moments caring for my dad openly in the book through short journal-entry style chapters. My hope is that my vulnerability will:
remove a bit of the unknown,
help others see all the choices possible in how you can show up for your dying loved one,
provide an avenue through which meaningful conversations can occur so people can understand other’s preferences for their final moments on earth,
demonstrate it’s easier with the support of others, and
remind readers that when everything goes sideways, simply hold their hand.
I also included questions at the end of the book to support book club (or family) discussions.
May reading and talking about it give you more ease in what comes for us all.
