I woke up this morning and paused. I thought about what lay ahead in my day. I noticed a mix of emotions swirling inside me, but hard to name. Grief. Anxious. Untethered. Sad. Concern. And between them, fluttered gratitude.
I knew I needed to honor what I felt. To be with the emotional “sticky bits,” rather than blow past them and rush into my day. They were there for a reason, and a good one at that.
You see, this afternoon is the graveside service for a family matriarch. At 94, she lived through much, working hard and loving many along the way. To ignore what I felt was to ignore the impact she had on me. My hurt was love, and that in any form should be honored, appreciated, and felt.
As it was a crisp sunny fall day with a subtle breeze, I decided to take a mindful walk. To appreciate nature’s seasonal changes as I strolled through my neighborhood with a warm chai tea in hand.
Anytime I saw beauty, I stopped, explored it, appreciated it, then took a picture. Each photo made me smile and think, “Marge would love this.” You see, she was a master gardener and florist. Her thumb is as green as they come. Her knowledge of nature’s beauty came from 94 years of lived experience – first on the farm, then running her floral retail business for 50+ years.
Each time I stopped to admire the colorful trees and blooms I felt like I was on a walk with her. That we were enjoying each view together. I was with her in my heart, and that is a connection I can always access.
Being fully present in the walk (mindful) took me away from my churning thoughts and emotions. The mindful walk brought me into the precious moment of being here to see the colorful neighborhood today.
Yes, it soothed my heart.
Yes, it grounded me.
Yes, it made me feel better.
And, no, it didn’t end my grief, but it did help me process a bit, calibrate a bit, and smile a bit.
I know from my grief certification, that grief remains as long as love does. It just shifts and morphs along the way. It ebbs and flows with your new life without their physical presence. And I also know it’s better in community, and today, for me, nature was that wonderous, soulful, and loving community.
