Mushroom growing in the dirt

September 2026 Quote: Our Mutual Tender Existence

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I choose a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it where I write phrases I hear or read that month that spark something in me. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For September 2026, my quote was, “The intimate truth of our mutual tender existence.”

September ended with all the emotions. As I typed that sentence, my first thought was to clarify the emotions were not bad. Then I thought, how awful that my first instinct was that emotions would equate to “bad.” And are emotions “bad” if they are authentic and shared in a connectional way?

The more I practice mindfulness, somatics (being more aware of the sensations in one’s body and what they tell us—often before our brain understands), and my 2026 noble intention “vulnerability,” the more I realize how connectional emotions are, both to myself and to those around me… and how much work is done to not reveal them, to hold back the intimacy of them, or apologize if they do arise publicly, like with tears. But yet our mutual existence is made tender (bearable and meaningful) through felt, intimate experiences together.

Here are the quotes, lyrics, and phrases that caught the attention of my head and heart this month regarding “our mutual tender existence.”

  • Whisper goodness into my bones
  • The trees will not ask, “How are you really?” and the wind doesn’t care if you cry
  • We’ve got an emotional backlog sitting in our hearts
  • Grief is as individual as love; There’s nothing to do but experiment
  • Love any way
  • I’m new land craving to be built upon
  • That by whispering “yes” instead of screaming “no,” an ineffable grace began to fill the space of our shattered hearts
  • We are linked, not ranked
  • Free myself into my ordinariness
  • You can stumble over it, or let it wash over you
  • The space between “no longer” and “not yet”

As I felt my way through September, I realized that the first emotion I noticed was superficial. The deeper more intimate emotions required time, and in some cases, excavation.

I first felt grief from layoffs at work including that of a favorite work friend. I later realized my grief stemmed from enjoyment of a trusted relationship at work forged through meaningful conversations over a decade together on a project we both held dear. Then anticipation bubbled up as we both shared our relationship would now move beyond the workplace.

Heading into a two-day client conference I managed, I first felt anxiety—as I wanted everything to go smoothly for a mission that truly changed people’s lives. Then excitement bounced around inside me as I thought about our remote team being able to unite and work together in person for the first time all year. Appreciation came in waves as I saw team members help not only meeting attendees and our client, but each other. And the laughter, oh the delightful laugher.

I felt proud when a friend said, “I don’t have to explain to you, you’re an ally.” But bewilderment and anger quickly pushed it out of the way as I took in all they shared about an unfair experience and overwhelming situation. Helplessness settled in as I realized I couldn’t fix the situation or help her not hurt—and I oh, so wanted to coat her wounds with a loving salve.

The warmth of gratitude coated my heart during a call with an expert I admire as she bravely shared a personal goal with me, which quickly turned to giddiness when she offered to align her goal to support a quietly held goal of mine. Shazam! The joy of collaboration with a friend. And while a little whisper of fear appeared as I thought, “Wow, this is real and my goal is going to happen!” … it quickly faded due to our effervescent enthusiasm.

The intimate truths of our mutual tender existence?

My body sensed first – warmth, buoyancy tightness, energy – then my heart felt the emotions, and my head followed by naming it.

Each initial big emotion changed.

Sometimes the emotional shifts came quick, other times quietly.

Being present with and vulnerable to another person is emotional – and that’s a good thing, because it confirms the connection of our mutual tender existence.

Computer with the word vulnerable taped above it

My 2026 Nobel Intention, Vulnerable

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Well. I didn’t see it coming. I tried to shake it off, but it stuck.

Over and over, I explored it. I tried to find a connection to the awkwardness I felt when I looked at it and said it out loud, but none came.

It was mine and while I didn’t know what to do with it, I at least accepted I had 12 months to figure it out.

You see, at the start of 2026, I completed Kristen Lisanti‘s worksheet to find my noble intention for the year. I’ve used it a few years and found the practice expanding in terms of how I show up as a leader and human in a complex world.

This year, however, it felt different. You see, the word that arrived – in bold letters – was vulnerable.

It landed on my page, and I just didn’t know how to feel. I remember thinking that I could just toss it and get out a new worksheet to get a better noble intention. I even looked up the definition trying to figure out why this word; nothing helpful.

But alas, I leaned into my mindfulness practice and just sat with it. Well, more like poking it with a stick so as to not get too close for fear of what would happen.

I pasted the word above my computer. I told my teams and friends. It was mine to get to know for 12 months. I accepted it, with hesitancy.

Fast Forward…

I started the year thinking vulnerability was about fixing something in me. Over time, I began to see that the word gave me permission to share more deeply, connect more authentically, and make space for the unspoken but felt emotions we all have but protect. It wasn’t about fixing but rather being.

Then my noble intention clicked – the call and path to living into this word now clear:  publish “Be at Ease.” Offer up my tender spots to help others with theirs. Use this book to normalize talking about our most vulnerable moment as a human—death.

More comfortable with my noble intention, I reached out to a total stranger on LinkedIn and asked Corey L. Kennard, MACM, CPXP to read and review my book based on his podcast “Due to Expire” and work with International End-of-Life Doula Association (INELDA). He welcomed me… and wrote this… unknowingly including my noble intention…

“Emily shares one of the most sacred and meaningful journeys of anticipatory grief I have ever read. Her beautifully detailed experience that ended with the death of her father and its impact on her, her mother, and the loving and caring community at large is nothing short of a step-by-step master class on caregiving. “Be At Ease” is truly an expression of the highest form of love that a dying father can be shown by his beloved daughter, and leaves me longing for such a caring relationship during my final moments of this life. Thank you, Emily Oehler, for being so vulnerable and sharing this gift with the world!”

I hope my vulnerability helps readers see that within the thin space between life and beyond lay profound moments to be embraced… because it’s in this awkward vulnerability that faith and love fully reside.

Washington Monument with a cloudy sky

September 2025 Quote: What is the Gift You Carry in Your Soul?

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For September 2025, my quote was: “What is the gift you carry in your soul?”  

September had soul-full book end milestones.

It began with presentations on how to be more mindful in order to build a brand that is comfortable and aligned to you, not a mass-produced corporate model.

It closed in a circle of strangers crying barefoot on the grass next to the Washington Monument.

Here are the quotes, lyrics, and phrases that that caught the attention of my head and heart as I thought about the gifts in my soul:

  • Fortunately, I’ve learned not to listen to my mind all the time
  • Sit with it
  • I will seek your good
  • Wiggle your butt and get to work
  • What am I in service of?
  • Longing is sacred, it tells us what mattered
  • Slowness is not less than
  • A beautiful quilt of beings
  • Who is your choir?
  • Embrace mystery
  • We are part of the universal tapestry
  • Community transforms grief from isolation into belonging
  • Sorry is not a weakness, but a thread of love
  • The healing wisdom of darkness and dirt

Three times this month different accounts at my company asked me to talk to emerging leaders about how to build a personal brand and executive presence. First, I make sure everyone has a common understanding of brand. Brand is not a logo. Brand is what folks feel about you based on interactions with every part of you over time, from conversations and texts to broken promises. Your brand is how they feel due to the way you consistently do, or don’t, show up. Next, I talk about different ways to demonstrate the brand they want others to experience through “mindful presence” – from how you show up online in a remote work environment to active participation in a meeting (voice, questions, listening, body). Finally, I try to make it clear that brand is not about copying an influencer, mentor, or boss. It’s about knowing who you are and how you want to be in the world. How to express your innate gifts, values, and learned expertise in all you do.

Additionally, various career-centered coaching calls this month contained conversations that touched on the hunt for alignment between paycheck and purpose. What were they good at… what did they want to bring about… how did they want to be… and how to put it all together. Basically, work was work. Transactional exchanges, system habits, and ladders to climb. There was a desire for different. To be doing something that satisfies their soul. Purposeful work.

At months end, an invitation from a friend reminded me why soul-centered work – using your gifts for a greater good – is transformational.

“Let me tell you how this all started…,” the host began as 20 people stood in a circle next to the iconic Washington Monument just after daybreak on a Saturday. He shared that that more than 40 Soldiers in the 1-17 Infantry Battalion were killed in Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. A Google search I did later revealed that this battalion suffered the highest casualty rate of any U.S. infantry battalion in the War in Afghanistan.

“It was a lot to process, and they wanted to honor them. So, each day, the remaining Soldiers would gather, say the names of the fallen, and then go for a run together.” And then added, “That is the origin story of Wear Blue: Run to Remember.”

“We are hosting our run, walk, and yoga remembrance in recognition of National Gold Star Mother’s Day that’s tomorrow. Mothers – and loved ones – who’s children died in service of our country–from training to combat.”

“On this day I remember…” One by one, each person in our circle spoke this phrase and shared a name of a fallen service member. I remembered 1LT Thomas Martin, killed in action at 27 years old, whose “Wear Blue” photo card I held in my hand, and also my dad.

This “circle of lost souls” as it was called generated not only tears, but connectional compassion.

A young woman crying comforted by a Veteran who walked through the circle to hug the hurting stranger.

An Afghanistan service member with his 2-year-old daughter on his shoulders building a new life in the United States.

Active duty services members carrying the legacy of a lost – but not forgotten – battle buddy.

Me recalling the loved ones who called the Army’s Long Term Family Case Management call center, where I was a consultant, looking for answers and help following the death of their Soldier during the height of OIF/OEF. “Ma’am, none of the case managers are available. They are on the phone with other family members. I’d love to hear about your son while you hold…,” I offered one mother, and then listened for 30 minutes as she shared her love.

Strangers in community sharing our souls.

Now that is a true gift.

Leading From Within book on lap

Books – January 2023

Posted on by Emily Oehler2 Comments on Books – January 2023

The Long Game: How to be a Long-term Thinker in a Short-term World by Dorie Clark

It was great to read a book by fellow Mary Baldwin University “sister squirrel,” Dorie Clark. While a hard copy to mark up and come back to would be nice … listening to Dorie read it was like being in an extended coaching session or masterclass with her. Within Dorie’s advice and real stories was a clear strategic plan. One that she herself applied to become a national best seller, top 50 business thinker in the world, grammy winner, and Broadway investor – all after a career in political campaigns. She offers a dual system to reach your goals: deliberate actions now for immediate returns augmented by secondary actions for the next wave of success.

Her approach helps you understand what you want to accomplish and how to create clear steps to accomplish it in a way that is meaningful for you. The book also helps you avoid getting stuck in the hamster wheel of corporate America’s expectations. She takes on busyness, saying no, and goal setting. She offers a long-term perspective by thinking in “waves.” She explores patience and rethinks failure. She showcases how networking should (and shouldn’t) be done, and its value over time–and in a way that is also appealing to introverts like myself. Dorie does all this in practical ways that are not cost prohibitive for even the young professional. But what was most exciting about “The Long Game,” is that it offers courage to carve your own career path.

This is not the frantic go, go, go approach that many executive coaches offer in their “do it and do it now” models, but a more methodical way to move toward your dreams in a way that enables you to enjoy life along the way. To me, a refreshing approach that supports more balance in your life.

Leading From Within:  Conscious Social Change and Mindfulness for Social Innovation by Gretchen Ki Steidle

As a life-long volunteer from a non-profit family, mindfulness newbie, and change management practitioner, this book captured my attention. The opening sentence of this book’s promotion summary quickly drew me in: “A roadmap for integrating mindfulness into every aspect of social change: how to lead transformation with compassion for the needs and perspectives of all people.” I started this book at the beach on a porch rocking chair and finished it several months later next to my lit Christmas tree. Where I had – both physically and mentally – changed a lot in the time frame; especially as I personally went through a large work transformation at work and am talking more with clients about “what is next” for their organizations and as a person.

The book’s content on conscious (intentional) change in combination with mindfulness is spot on and very relevant. It covers why and how to take a breath to look at the current state as it presently is rather than with a lens of expectation – no easy task. Gretchen offers a framework for change, mindful practices (including my favorite “loving kindness”), culture considerations, tips on how to be a better listener, and the science and case studies to bring it to life. She also lays out how to develop a self-care plan as the demands of being a change agents can be physically, mentally, and soulfully draining. What I found most helpful is a refreshing way to look at planning with 3 poignant questions:  What is happening? What is true? And “What is needed?” Plus, a creative way to visually map a current situation with the elements of a tree:  root causes (roots); problem (tree trunk) and effects (leaves), plus a complementary approach to a brainstorming session and stakeholder analysis. A lot to process in one small book, but worth it to help bring about meaningful, personal, and lasting change in the world.

Permission to Glow:  A Spiritual Guide to Epic Leadership by Kristoffer Carter

I met “K.C.” at a Mindful Leader conference in the fall of 2022 where he presented on the “permissions” outlined in this book. His presentation style and book voice is that of Tigger who meditates – vivacious energy with an undercurrent of intentional calm. You can’t help but get caught up in his vibe. The book offers up 4 permissions to bring about more intentional, meaningful leadership – and outcomes.  Chill. Feel. Glow in the dark. Glow in the light. As well as their counter, limiting sides which he named speedy rabbit, game face, phantom pest, and darkstar. While the language might sound odd, the permissions themselves and the icons provided to represent them are well explained and offer new words to use to combat old leadership issues to create a more authentic approach.

The book offers an approach, self-reflection tools, meditations, and some case studies. A few phrases that caught my attention in the book include:

  • “We silent the noise with intuition”
  • The importance of discernment with the simple question, “Does this serve me?”
  • “Boredom is often a sign of an issue with your calendar. Board leaders are either over- or under-scheduled. They haven’t committed to enough activities that make them glow.”
  • “The permission to glow lies just beyond the safety of our comfort zone—and safely beneath our ejection seat of upper limiting beliefs.”
  • “…that heavily guarded border between the edge of our safety and the edge of our dream.”
  • “Radiance draws others who’ve grown bored with conformity and competition”
  • “Be more like the determined, happy toddler figuring out how to walk, and less like the jaded bureaucrat.”

How to be an Inclusive Leader by Jennifer Brown

I read this book over the Martin Luther King Jr holiday weekend as a way to reinvigorate my desire to build more belonging in the groups of which I was a part. Jennifer offers a 4-part “inclusive leader continuum” with unaware, aware, active, and advocate. I liked that this is a fluid (rather than linear) model, where we move back and forth within each area as we learn, relearn, and find more of our ignorance to understand.

This book is about action, “It’s incumbent on those of us who identities make us insiders in a system to go first. The only choice we have is to step up and show up, however imperfectly—to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” The book addresses the awkward moments of stepping into action, and starts with the fundamental question about privilege: “How much of my world was built with me in mind?”

Her “diversity dimensions” and “iceberg model” tools are a great way to take a look at and better understand your network. I recommend this book be used within a larger learning context – such as firm-wide, division, or team book club as it offers practical information, discussion guide, and conversation starters. Jennifer leaves leaders with the charge, “Change is about action. And if you aren’t taking action, your silence is a passive acceptance of the status quo, which further perpetuates the problem.”

Happy reading.